2 steps forward, 1 step back...

It's been a while since I posted on here. Partly because not much of note has happened and partly due to a touch of writers' block... Still not quite sure where this entry is going but I'll let my fingers walk the keys and see where they take me.

We had a lovely week in Ireland with friends. Nice and relaxed, lots of family time and good fun. Lots of kids though and having a) pushed a double buggy and b) spent a day with 6 kids aged from 4 months to 9 years, we are fairly certain that Nathan will be an only child!

The holiday did highlight to me though that I still had PND symptoms. One night I went out with the girls for a meal and a couple of drinks and the feeling of disconnect was still there. They must think I'm a mouse of a woman... I also noticed the flat feeling was back and I don't think I got as much 'up' out of the week as I would have under 'healthy' circumstances.

I also bit the bullet before going away and told Mum that I have PND. I know she means well, but rather than listen to me and ask me how I feel she went on to tell me I probably wasn't really depressed, just bored and lonely and that I should just get out and about and everything will be fine. I think she's worried I'll be stigmatised for having depression on my medical file but as far as I can see there is no reason anyone should know outside the medical practice and those I choose to tell? Part of me wishes I hadn't said anything as it may make the imminent visit to Mum and Dad harder work than it should be but too late now...

I had an appointment with my GP yesterday morning which was good timing as, aside from the symptoms showing on holiday I have become tearful and disconnected again and was feeling I am pretty much back where I started. The chat with my lovely GP was very helpful. She did up the strength of my prescription but she also helped me see that I have come on since our first meeting and pointed out some key changes to illustrate what she's saying and I can really see it. So onwards and upwards, as they say...

Well, my apologies - this has been a bit of an unstructured ramble but it has emptied my head of the random bits rattling around that I needed to air...