Self-defeating tactics

Honestly, I am such a self sabotaging idiot!
Am I trying to lose weight? - yes.
Do I enjoy running and training? - double yes!

So why on earth when Allan supports, encourages and provides opportunities for me to get out and run/train do I not immediately jump into my trainers and get going?

Thinking about it, this self sabotage mode is a precedent set about 20 years ago in school...

I think there were high expectations of me and on some level I was scared to let people down so I started the self sabotage routine to reduce those expectations- not doing homework, not studying for tests/exams, forgetting textbooks. All pretty innocuous sounding really but, looking back, it served as a barrier to achieving the fullest from my potential...

Fast forward to the present and the pattern is apparent in recent events - not studying for tax exams - even 6 months pregnant I could have passed those exams if I'd bothered to open a book on a regular basis and now I am making excuses not to go for a run or go to the gym.

Pathetic.

Especially as all through my pregnancy all I wanted to do was get back to training. I had big plans. Long walks everyday with the pram (actually I do get out most days and get a decent walk in), put Nathan in creche at gym while I do a weights routine, let Allan look after Nathan while I run evenings (or mornings). And all these things are possible. Allan does all he can to make the opportunities for me to get out there and I just sit on my fat lazy bum and moan about being flabby around the middle.

Even worse, when I do get out there I feel great. I get a real buzz from pushing my limits and my mood lifts. So why don't I - as Nike says - 'Just do it'

Answers on a postcard...