Impending doom...

Not much has happened since my last entry, which was just after my birthday.

My birthday weekend was lovely. We went to Al's dad's for a BBQ with family and friends. The weather played ball and FIL's girlfriend had made a lovely spread including my current favourite lemon drizzle cake. On the Sunday we just relaxed and spent time with Nathan and each other. Time for just the two of us is a rare commodity at the moment.

Since the weekend though I haven't been able to sleep properly and am so tired I look like I have bruising around my eyes. Not attractive (and not helped by the yeti eyebrows I seem to have sprouted - must get into town and get them threaded!). I don't really know why I'm not sleeping - the worst of the heat has passed so that's not it. I have been quite tense - living with a sense of impending doom - for the last week or so. Almost like I'm waiting for something to happen but I don't know what. That is perhaps not helping...

On Monday evening I had convinced myself Allan was never coming home because he had been killed in a car crash. I was literally sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was even trying to make a plan of what I would need to do. Completely irrational (and thankfully unfounded). While I haven't had any further episodes like that I do feel like I'm waiting for the axe to fall and I don't know why.

Group was difficult on Tuesday. I was so tired I couldn't really tune in to the conversation. I also feel like if I start to talk I will have no control over what comes out. I'm not aware of anything particular I need to air or discuss but there is a gain that feeling of waiting for a bomb to go off...

On a more positive note I have a couple of things to look forward to this month...

Tomorrow one of the girls from PND is having a 1st birthday party for her little girl at a place just around the corner so I am hoping to screw up the courage to pop in and say hi. Apparently the party is more for the adults than the kids so should be fun...

And in just over a week we're off to Wicklow to stay with some friends. They had a little girl exactly a month after we had Nathan and already have a two year old son so lots of fun to be had.

More immediately, the sun is shining today so we're off to the pool to lie in the sun and soak up some vitamin D.